Relationships and the Joy of being OK with you

Hannah Gaisford

I am a 24 year old working in Marketing. Passionate about enjoying life and getting the most out of it.  I run a small business giving coaching and spiritual advice.

I know that we might sometimes all struggle when it comes to our relationships.  Our intimate relationship, especially, are the ones that we can struggle with the most. Many people may find themselves at least once in their lifetime in the predicament of saying “ I want you to stay” to the wrong person.  But what is it that makes us grab on to these so called ‘special’ somebodies.  Perhaps sometimes it can be our insecurities that make us cling on, our fear that we may not come across as sexy to someone else.  I would say the most important piece of advice I have received in my young life when it comes to our relationships is that it is important to love yourself before you can expect another to love you in return.   I might drink a little more of my own medicine sometimes if it wasn’t for my little inner demon telling me that I need to search outward for the love of others before I can justify myself to myself, if that makes sense.  In this process I go about killing any chance I originally had to be kind to myself and top my own battery tank up as I call it. If only we were a little more willing to try it another way.

A date in the park

Can you picture your life in a way where you wake up in the morning and tell yourself you are beautiful and that is just as gratifying as someone else saying it?  My main fear for women and men respectively, when it comes to their relationships, is that I don’t want to ever see a person continue to be in a relationship simply because they rely on that person to top them up all the time. It definitely causes a strain on the other person.  Keep reminding yourself every day that you can be beautiful in your own right without needing someone else to affirm it to you. Don’t get me wrong its lovely to hear compliments from time to time but it blurs the line when it becomes a constant search for them.  Now I want you to close your eyes and imagine you are sitting in a car looking at the rear view mirror and in the reflection is you the way you would like to see yourself.  How do you look? Who are you with? Where are you?  My image is me dressed in skinny jeans and a big parka coat and bug eye glasses, sort of like posh spice.  Next to me is my hunky husband and we hold the hands of our two children as we cross the road.  To me that is the image of happiness. There will be different answers for each of you.  I’m dreaming here of the future I envision at 30 but this is the perfect way to do it if you want to make sure that you don’t let go of your goals.

None of us really want to be alone. In fact, it is unhealthy for us to be completely solitary for long periods of time. All of us need companionship however unhealthy companionship cannot be justified simply because it is companionship and therefore must be better than being alone.  This is, of course, false logic.  So how do we find a healthy medium between companionship and being ok in ourselves?  I guess some of us have to make the same mistake over and over again until we come to learn what that is. I guess that’s the learning path in life for some of us.  I really feel sorry for those poor souls that cling on to relationships they are unhappy in though simply for fear of being alone.  I think we all come to a point in our lives though where being alone becomes ok and becomes bearable. On a completely different level some of us come to really enjoy our alone time and witness a sense of enjoyment and happiness within ourselves when it comes to these solitary moments.  Which brings me to this, is it only in the night that loneliness becomes hard? 

What is it about night time and sharing that time before sleep with someone else? Discussing the days’ newspaper and events, having a cuddle or sharing an intimate moment.  I envy those people who have found their special person.  However at the end of the day the time we spend with our special people we must cherish as everyone’s life eventually comes to an end and one must go before the other.  This is why so many people end up tapping into spirituality.  They are trying to get in touch with a loved one they have lost, or they are trying to understand why the love has gone from their relationships.  Others ask wether they should enter into new relationships.  I guess the organ most of us want to protect the most is ours hearts.  But I firmly believe our hearts are not designed to be trapped up inside a cage.  Our hearts need to be left vulnerable in order to function properly and flourish. We have to always run the risk of getting hurt.  Anyway I guess that’s a long enough spiel from me. Just food for thought.

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