Couple disagreements are normal

Hilary Smith

Hilary Smith is a writer with Relationships Aotearoa and an experienced counsellor. www.relationshipsaotearoa.org.nz

Almost all couples (78%) experience some ongoing disagreements according to a survey conducted by Relationship Services. “Even in the happiest, longest lasting of relationships, couples disagree,” said Hilary Smith of Relationship Services. “And most people do learn to deal with them.”
 A couple takes shelter
The online survey of more than 1500 people in long term relationships focused on the things people disagree about repeatedly.  “Many of the couples who come to us for counselling are looking for ways to deal with persistent issues, the ones that crop up again and again.”

Four out of ten people disagreed about money and financial security, regardless of income levels.  “While many couples may be coming under financial pressure currently, money is often a bone of contention in good times or bad.  Couples’ differing values and priorities are highlighted when it comes down to how the money is spent,” Ms Smith said.

Other common causes of disagreement are work pressures (31%), time pressures (29%), housework (26%) and sex life (25%).

Dealing with disagreements

When asked how they dealt with disagreements, the most common and effective approaches were things like keep talking to partner, apologising, putting the issue in perspective.  “These strategies show the effectiveness of treating each other with respect, even while disagreeing.  These couples are placing more of a priority on how they treat each other than on ‘winning’ the argument.”

“We were not surprised that the survey found a difference between men and women around communication."  The survey found more men perceive that women nag or keep on, and more women perceive that men don’t listen. Four out of ten women cited Doesn’t listen as an issue versus three out of ten men. (40.5% v 31.6%) In contrast, three out of ten men cite Nagging/keeping on versus two out of ten women. (30.7% v 19.4%)

“When counsellors hear the phrases ‘nagging’ or ‘not listening’, we know there is a communication issue in the relationship to work on,”  Ms Smith said.

While revenge looks good in the movies, most people know it doesn’t work.  Only 1.7% of people said they did something to get their own back and 79% of them rated it as very ineffective.  

We get better at this over time

People get better at handling disagreements over time.  Those in newer relationships (3-7 years) had higher levels of recurring disagreements than those in longer relationships (21 + years).  “People in longer relationships may have sorted out many of their differences, but it was also clear that they handle disagreements in ways that better support the relationship,” Ms Smith said.

Parenting increases the pressure

Parenting is hard on a relationship.  People with children at home were much more likely to have recurring disagreements (86% versus 68% for those without children
living at home).  The common causes of disagreements such as money, housework, work and time pressures were all more frequent for those with children.  In addition, childcare and parenting (35%) and extended family (25%) were common issues that caused disagreements.

“Having children at home intensifies the stresses on parents but it also makes a difference to the way people deal with disagreements.  Parents were more likely to take a team approach such as keep talking with partner and apologising, and were more motivated to make up because more is at stake.”

Disagreements are a normal part of a relationship.  “For a quarter of people, disagreements and how they dealt with them actually had a positive impact on how they felt about the relationship and their partner,” said Ms Smith.  “It is clear that taking time to communicate effectively not only solves disagreements, it can enrich relationships.”

“The reason Relationship Services commissioned this survey was to learn what approaches were most effective, so that we can encourage more people to use them."

 
Sort by
  • New Member says

    moncler jackets


    pandora charms


    kyrie irving shoes


    lebron 15


    paul george shoes


    michael kors outlet


    air max 270


    michael kors


    vibram fivefingers


    nike flyknit


    adidas yeezy


    off-white


    yeezy shoes


    longchamp


    nike off white


    westbrook shoes


    chrome hearts outlet


    nmd r1


    christian louboutin


    tom ford glasses


    irving shoes


    ray ban


    nike polo


    lacoste polo


    golden goose


    links of london


    nike hyperdunk


    true religion jeans


    vans outlet


    balenciaga speed


    yeezys


    cheap nba jerseys


    michael kors outlet


    jordan 4


    converse shoes


    adidas stan smith men


    real jordans for sale cheap


    yeezy


    birkin bag


    cheap mlb jerseys


    adidas yeezy boost


    pandora charms


    chrome hearts


    pg 1


    pandora jewelry


    adidas pure boost


    air jordan


    kd shoes


    kobe shoes


    oakley


    nba jerseys


    hermes birkin


    golden goose sneakers


    pureboost


    prada eyeglasses


    nike hyperdunk


    hermes belt


    adidas yeezy


    goyard wallet


    yeezy shoes


    longchamp handbags


    yeezy boost 350 v2


    adidas superstar


    longchamp handbags


    nike zoom


    links of london


    adidas eqt support adv


    100% real jordans for cheap


    kyrie 4


    kd 10


    timberland shoes


    huaraches


    adidas tubular


    nike air force 1


    kevin durant shoes


    tory burch shoes


    nike air force


    moncler


    adidas eqt


    yeezy boost 350 v2


    lebron 13


    nike air max


    cheap oakley sunglasses


    adidas iniki runner


    ray ban sunglasses online


    nike air max shoes


    air jordan 12


    goyard handbags


    yeezy


    converse outlet


    dior sunglasses


    golden goose


    yeezy boost 350


    nfl jerseys


    yeezy


    adidas nmd r1


    jordan 1 off white


    yeezy boost 350


    kobe byrant shoes


    burberry outlet online


    michael kors


    cheap nfl jerseys china


    ferragamo sale


    nike epic react flyknit


    gucci belt


    vans shoes


    yeezy boost 350


    nike mercurial vapor


    yeezy boost 350


    vapormax


    yeezy boost 350 v2


    nmd


    russell westbrook shoes


    prada sunglasses


    off white jordan 1


    hermes


    yeezy boost


    longchamp longchamps


    nike react flyknit


    goyard tote


    tory burch shoes


    balenciaga sneakers


    nike huarache


    nike lebron 11


    jordan retro


    adidas outlet


    cheap jordans


    kate spade outlet


    paul george shoes


    cheap jordans


    nike mercurial


    john wall shoes


    ray ban sunglasses


    foamposites


    nike running shoes


    nike sneakers


    nike flyknit


    hogan outlet online


    longchamp bags


    off-white


    fila outlet


    nike air max 270


    nike prestos


    cheap nhl jerseys


    nike free run


    yeezy boost 350 v2


    adidas superstar UK


    goyard


    nike shoes for men


    nike shox


    kate spade handbags


    michael kors outlet


    converse outlet store


    pandora jewelry


    nike shox outlet


    nike air zoom


    adidas yeezy


    curry 5


    fenty puma


    yeezy boost 350 v2


    nike air max 2018


    jordan retro


    nfl store


    nike cortez


    off white hoodie


    kobe basketball shoes


    off white nike


    gucci belts


    stephen curry shoes


    hermes birkin


    huarache shoes


    calvin klein underwear


    lebron soldier 11


    nike air force


    moncler jackets


    nike huarache


    adidas stan smith


    adidas nmd


    jordan shoes


    adidas stan smith women


    converse shoes


    true religion outlet


    michael kors factory outlet


    ray ban sunglasses


    nike roshe


    tom ford sunglasses


    nike air max 90


    true religion jeans


    off white


    adidas iniki


    curry 4


    yeezy wave runner 700


    off white clothing


    fila online shop


    curry 4


    kobe basketball shoes


    longchamp handbags


    longchamp


    nike roshe one


    adidas gazelle sale


    nike dunks


    lebron 14


    adidas superstar


    nike air vapormax


    nike air max


    hermes belts


    asics sneakers


    puma fenty


    lebron 15 shoes


    yeezy boost


    air max


    off white jordan 1


    nfl jerseys


    hyperdunks


    adidas nmd


    vans shoes


    salvatore ferragamo belt


    louboutin shoes


    oakley


    fitflops sale


    adidas tubular


    moncler sale


    moncler outlet


    nike cortez women


    longchamp bags


    jordan retro 13


    lebron shoes


    fila shoes


    lebron james shoes


    yeezy shoes


    mlb jerseys


    air max 2017


    hermes bag


    tom ford sunglasses


    supreme clothing


    nike flyknit racer


    ysl handbags


    jordan shoes


    ultra boost 3.0


    off white shoes


    air jordans


    ray ban


    yeezy sneakers


    nike air force 1 high


    golden goose outlet


    supreme hoodie


    adidas ultra boost


    adidas eqt support adv


    kyrie 3


    adidas eqt


    kobe shoes


    Topic Reply site:http://www.lastgascar.com

    bape hoodie


    nike basketball shoes


    adidas nmd


    air max 270


    lacoste online shop


    michael kors outlet handbags


    michael kors handbags


    kayno


    red bottoms


    pure boost


    fila shoes


    chrome hearts


    damian lillard shoes


    oakley sunglasses


    fila


    yeezy 500


    nike huarache


    nike shoes


    tom ford glasses


    nike shoes for women


    kobe byrant shoes


    hogan outlet


    adidas stan smith uk


    derrick rose shoes


    hermes handbags


    kobe 11


    oakley sunglasses


    ferragamo belt


    off white jordan 1


    yeezy boost 350 v2


    oakley sale


    nmd


    nike react


    christian louboutin shoes


    crazy explosive


    retro jordans


    yeezy


    oakley sunglasses


    true religion


    air max 2018


    calvin klein outlet


    christian louboutin shoes


    goyard handbags


    vans store


    ray ban aviator sunglasses


    nike react


    bape clothing


    caterpillar shoes


    nhl jerseys


    kobe 11


    nike hyperdunk 2017


    cheap oakley sunglasses


    yeezy shoes


    yeezy 700


    nike air force 1


    cheap nfl jerseys


    yeezy boost 350


    ray ban


    nike lebron 15


    adidas store


    adidas flux


    adidas yeezy


    bape hoodie


    moncler jackets


    curry 5


    fitflops sale clearance


    jordan 12


    yeezy boost


    golden goose sneakers


    ray ban sunglasses


    cheap jordan shoes


    yeezy


    adidas yeezy boost


    adidas stan smith


    ray ban store


    yeezy 500


    nike air zoom structure 19


    michael kors outlet


    asics gel kayano


    adidas tubular


    lebron soldier 10


    adidas ultra boost 3.0


    nike air max


    rayban sunglasses


    asics shoes


    off white hoodie


    yeezy shoes


    jordan 6


    birkin bag


    nike outlet store online shopping


    hermes belt


    jordan 11


    michael kors purses


    jordan shoes


    ultra boost


    michael kors handbags


    balenciaga sneakers


    oakleys sunglasses


    longchamp


    ray ban sunglasses


    nike air zoom pegasus 32


    adidas tubular UK


    adidas nmd


    goyard bags


    kevin durant shoes


    d rose shoes


    nike shox for women


    kobe sneakers


    timberland outlet


    yeezys


    adidas ultra boost


    air max 90


    hermes belt


    nike air force 1 low


    oakleys sunglasses


    ferragamo belt


    pandora bracelet


    nike x off white


    pandora bracelet


    james harden shoes


    huarache shoes


    goyard handbags


    yeezy shoes


    moncler outlet


    nike huarache


    jordan retro


    air jordan 6


    kyrie 4


    ray ban sunglasses outlet


    adidas yeezy


    nike epic react flyknit


    longchamp


    nike dunk low


    longchamp bags


    yeezy boost 350


    nike air presto


    yeezy shoes


    basketball shoes


    kobe 9


    moncler


    nike flyknit trainer


    air max 90


    air max


    zx flux


    chrome hearts online


    adidas ultra boost 3.0


    iniki


    michael kors outlet online


    adidas tubular x


    adidas shoes


    michael kors outlet


    adidas ultra boost


    burberry outlet


    yeezy boost 350


    adidas gazelle


    russell westbrook shoes


    michael kors outlet store


    nike zoom


    nike outlet store


    lebron 15


    patriots jersey


    air jordan 11


    kobe 9


    yeezy 500 blush


    adidas nmd


    adidas yeezy


    balenciaga sneakers


    new england patriots jersey


    moncler jackets


    moncler


    balenciaga


    michael kors handbags


    balenciaga


    basketball shoes


    yeezy


    curry shoes


    nike air max 2017


    oakley


    lacoste outlet


    nike air max 90


    balenciaga shoes


    supreme clothing


    harden shoes


    air force ones


    true religion outlet


    hermes belts


    links of london sale


    michael kors outlet


    yeezy boost


    reebok outlet


    caterpillar boots


  • shenyuhang says

    canada goose outlet


    coach outlet


    pandora charms outlet


    canada goose coats


    canada goose outlet online


    canada goose outlet store


    pandora


    michael kors handbags


    ugg,uggs,uggs canada


    michael kors handbags


    coach factory outlet


    oakley sunglasses wholesale


    ugg outlet


    canada goose jackets


    cheap nfl jerseys


    christian louboutin shoes


    nike outlet


    valentino outlet store


    moncler outlet


    kate spade outlet


    kobe 12 shoes


    canada goose


    coach handbags


    canada goose jackets


    ugg outlet


    ugg boots


    polo shirts


    michael kors outlet clearance


    pandora jewelry outlet


    nike shoes for men


    prada outlet


    nike outlet


    coach factory outlet


    christian louboutin shoes


    coach outlet online


    air max shoes


    oakley sunglasses wholesale


    superdry uk


    polo outlet


    nike huarache shoes


    giuseppe zanotti shoes


    pandora charms


    true religion jeans


    canada goose outlet


    michael kors outlet online sale


    moncler jackets


    yeezy boost 350 v2


    christian louboutin


    canada goose outlet store


    christian louboutin


    true religion outlet


    ralph lauren polo


    michael kors outlet clearance


    true religion outlet


    gucci outlet online


    nike outlet store


    coach factory outlet


    pandora


    coach outlet online


    nmd adidas


    christian louboutin outlet


    coach outlet store online


    pandora jewelry


    kate spade outlet


    coach outlet online


    polo ralph lauren outlet


    moncler outlet online


    louboutin outlet


    christian louboutin shoes


    pandora outlet


    jordan shoes


    kate spade outlet


    christian louboutin shoes


    michael kors outlet


    longchamp handbags


    yeezy boost


    michael kors outlet


    ray ban sunglasses outlet


    coach factory outlet


    uggs outlet


    canada goose


    polo ralph lauren outlet


    kate spade outlet


    ugg boots


    supreme clothing uk


    uggs outlet


    coach outlet


    adidas nmd


    ugg outlet online


    coach factory outlet


    michael kors outlet online


    air jordan shoes


    tory burch shoes


    michael kors outlet


    supreme outlet


    nike outlet online


    christian louboutin outlet


    adidas nmd


    oakley sunglasses


    canada goose


    chenqiuying20180919yhkytkty[youtube]chenqiuying[/youtube]
  • New Member says
    canada goose
    nike outlet
    off white
    fitflop shoes
    true religion jeans
    prada outlet
    true religion
    coach outlet
    nike blazer
    uggs outlet
    gucci outlet
    ferragamo outlet store
    fitflops
    timberland shoes
    coach outlet
    christian louboutin
    fitflops outlet sale
    canada goose parka
    toms outlet
    yeti tumbler
    nike shoes
    michael kors outlet
    fitflops sale clearance
    persol sunglasses
    instyler ionic styler
    ferragamo outlet
    stone island sale
    coach outlet
    ugg schweiz
    nike air max 270
    ugg outlet
    canada goose jackets
    yeezy boost
    polo ralph lauren outlet
    christian louboutin
    fitflops sale clearance
    ugg boots
    ferragamo outlet
    maui jim sunglasses
    discount oakley sunglasses
    chargers jerseys
    kendra scott rings
    cheap soccer jersey
    converse uk
    coach factory outlet
    philipp plein shirt
    nike outlet store
    ferragamo shoes
    coach outlet clearance
    cheap jordans
    coach outlet
    adidas shoes
    jordan shoes
    uggs
    adidas superstar
    coach outlet
    adidas shoes
    kobe shoes
    cheap snapbacks
    kate spade outlet
    balenciaga sneakers
    cheap oakley sunglasses
    canada goose jackets
    new england patriots jerseys
    canada goose outlet
    david yurman sale
    air max 2017
    coach outlet
    mcm outlet
    fitflops
    hydro flask sale
    pandora jewelry
    nike outlet online
    adidas shoes
    nike air max 97
    pandora jewelry
    baltimore ravens jerseys
    pandora jewelry official site
    uggs outlet
    lacoste polo shirts
    cheap jordan shoes
    ugg canada
    ugg outlet
    jordans
    gucci handbags
    off white clothing
    christian louboutin uk
    supreme clothing uk
    nike air max 2017
    hermes outlet
    toms shoes
    birkenstock outlet
    gucci outlet
    coach outlet
    pandora outlet
    ralph lauren outlet
    coach outlet online
    匡威英国官网
    kobe 11
    ralph lauren sale clearance
    columbia outlet
    michael kors handbags
    givenchy handbags
    adidas yeezy shoes
    uggs
    moncler jacken
    ugg outlet
    cheap jordans
    qqq
  • New Member says
    Bhen Ke lode
    Teri Bhen ki Chut
    Teri Maa ki Chut
    Teri Maa ki Chut ME LODA
  • Digital_Zone says
    We provide high certified Islamabad Escorts which fully satisfied you.Our escort’s agency has new girls which are each for in call and out call. We also work extensively to make sure that every girl on our books deserves to be there. Sex in islamabad
  • Digital_Zone says
    Our escort organization gives Top prestigious and talented female models from showbiz and mold industry in Lahore, Karachi, and Islamabad. We have every single enormous name accessible with us. Our list additionally contains famous female big names, female TV dramatization on-screen characters. We additionally have sweet youthful adolescent provocative models (secondary school young ladies and school young ladies in their youngsters) however very much prepared in the specialty of enticement and giving every one of the enjoyments and arousing quality like famous models. Islamabad Escorts
  • Digital_Zone says
    Click on the Gallery Section and search for your dream girl there. You can also contact us and we will assist you in choosing the right escorts for you. You will be amazed to see that how beautiful and hot our call girls in Lahore are. They are ready for fun and entertainment. Call girls in Lahore
  • Digital_Zone says
    This isn’t a result of the destitution or financial emergency that Pakistan is confronting today but since the of the excellence, it has today. The Pakistani Call Girls are popular for being the most wonderful of every Asian escort right now that is the reason because of their gigantic interest the lovely girls in Pakistan pick the escort agency as their profession. Escorts in Islamabad
  • Digital_Zone says
    Professionalism, satisfaction and best services are our guests; we are sure that you’ll feel comfort always when likely to enjoy the tantalizing companionship of our young ladies. All of your personal information must be kept secret along the dealings even as imagine our long termed romance. This will brings all of us a genial business romance. Pakistani Escorts
  • Digital_Zone says
    Escort in Karachi for you. We have a tendency to area unit a team of open-minded people and we respect your privacy. We assure you 100% guarantee to provide you lovely, stunning, sizzling and skilled Karachi escorts creating a while, a sensual-stay time that will coin up for you some real unforgettable time for the rest you will ever have.  Call girls in Karachi

Post your comment

Want to have your say?

It's quick, easy and 100% free.

  •  

Features

Endorsed Events

  • SpringBreakFIJI SpringBreakFIJI

    Secure your motivation for the year by locking in SpringBreak in Fiji, your own exclusive island

  • The Fijian Cup The Fijian Cup

    The Pacific Touch Rugby festival (Fijian Cup and Kava Cup) is underway on November 2, 2017 and with support from Touch Fiji and...

  • Rock Island VANUATU Rock Island VANUATU

    From a fully chartered resort, an incredible line up of Kiwi musicians and Rock legends flown in you'll find nothing close to...

  • Summit FIJI Summit FIJI

    Summit FIJI aims to revolutionise how businesses can approach conferences, corporate retreats and team building weekends