Discussing :: Making marriage work

"The key to reviving or divorce-proofing a relationship is not in how you handle disagreements but in how you are with each other when you're not fighting." This is what John Gottman, professor of psychology and couples researcher has to say in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work  (Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 1999). Gottman's conclusions are based on over 16 years of studying couples as they live out a typical weekend. There are clear patterns of interaction that mark a relationship under real strain. Gottman uses these to predict which relationships will break up, and he has a 91 % rate of accuracy. This book identifies... read full article

#1

Making marriage work

I've heard about this study and book before and in theory it sounds very good - wonderful in fact! However, in order to have a successful marriage (and by that I mean one where both people are happy and satisffied), I can't help coming back to the fact that both people must be on board. One person can read every book there as , go to counselling, attend seminars, read advice columns etc., but unless their other side really wants to make it work too, ie is prepared to put some effort in, to not always put their own needs first, then it's pretty much a lost cause.

From a female perspective, let's face it, some me men just aren't 'good men' and for those who unfortunately bag these...

#2

Good point there wice!

#3

Hear hear! Relationships are a two way street and if the traffic is only travelling one way then sooner or late it'll turn to custard...if only the practise was as easy as the theory.

#4

Wow looks like a great book. The trouble with relationships is that are 90% emotional. This book looks like it can help you step off the emotional rollercoaster and rationally examine it, identify issues, and address them!

#5

We celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary yesterday. I think what makes it work is when you get married, you view it as something permanent..not, if it doesn't work out then we can seperate (not saying some seperations are not for very valid reasons of course). Its such a commitment and not one to be taken lightly.

#6

Congrats Vicky. Hope you had a lovely anniversary!

#7

The little things that seem inadequate are the ones that truly matter - I got married in March this year and am finding it a struggle to be a 'good wife'. Being a mum as well as a wife can be hard work and it's so easy to forget the little things. (Never mind the fact I have a terrible memory! Ha) But I am trying, and just the effort itself is enough to help

#8

Someone told me..

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly. ~Peter De Vries

#9

Christmas Day makes most of the Marriage work


Sadly, I can't agree. Christmas can be a very stressful time in lots of marriages. I believe it is one of the busiest times at the Women's Refuge Centres. It's also a time when people can feel acutely lonely whether married or not. There is less money available, more booze, relatives you don't get on with, the battle about whose family to have dinner with, preparation stress.... I think Christmas can be a very difficult time and can play havoc even with a normally good marriage.

#10

Marriage is a bit like the assembly line in a car factory. The Coordination and joining of many moving parts to create a thing of beauty. The end result Just Floor It and hang on as there will always be good days and bad days in your journey together.

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