Discussing :: Jokes, Quotes & Riddles of the day

#1

Jokes, Quotes & Riddles of the day

Give us your best one, you must of heard something funny.


There was a businesswoman who just made a million dollars for an Arabian Oil Sheik. When she was leaving the Oil Sheik offered her Diamonds and rubies and a Silver-plated Rolls Royce, but she declined. The Sheik insisted so she said that she just started to golf and maybe a set of golf clubs would be nice. A few weeks later she received a telegram from the sheik. “So far I have bought you 3 golf clubs. I hope you aren't disappointed that only 2 of them have swimming pools. "


Hehe!

#2

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. “What’s wrong dearest??” asked the confused husband. “Oh darling,” sobbed the wife, “I was cleaning little Suzie’s room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???” “Well,” replied the man, “I guess a spanking is out of the question?”


haha!

#3

Ha ha! An email we had at work yesterday complained about the lack of using capital letters in emails and texts. It stated that "Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse"...simple but explanitory...


Snort! Good point!


Yep dats a goodun ...5mns later (still laughing)

#4

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.


As I'm on my third glass of wine tonight I appreciate this one!

#5

'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' is the fear of long words. (That's just mean)


If the nofollow attribute is present, Google will not follow the link to your website or blog even if you place your URL in those sites or blogs. cheap ladies clothing

#6

Willie the Whale and his whale girlfriend, Monica, are swimming happily through the ocean when they come upon a boat. On seeing the boat, Willie says, "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!" Monica says, "Oh, I don't know..." "Come on, it'll be fun, come on, just this once!", says Willie. Monica agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending hapless sailors into the briny blue. As they are swimming away, Willie says, "Wow, that was fun, wasn't it? Hey! I've got another idea! Let's swim back there and eat all the sailors!" To which Monica, exasperated, replies, "Look, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing any seamen."

#7

"For" Fawkes sake Clyde, wish you’d posted this yesterday! Hope you haven’t offended any of us Chelsey girls as this is definitely more of a "Guy’s" joke.

#8

Gee sorry, I'll put on the kid gloves. It's the good girls that keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time.


I like it! Takes more than that to offend!!! What else you got?!


Take those gloves right back off!

#9

MEN'S FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

#10

A girl fell in love with a sailor and had his picture tattooed on her right breast. The romance waned. In due time, she fell in love with a soldier and had his picture tattooed on her left breast. This romance also waned. Sometime later, she fell in love with a marine and married him. That night when they were undressing for bed he began to laugh. She asked, "What in the world is so funny?" He said, "Oh, I'm just thinking what long faces those two guys are going to have in about ten years from now."

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