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That's not right. It's not a partnership if one person has to look after the other. Do you pool your finances? Regardless, you need to sort this out with your partner now or you could spend the rest of your life feeling resentful.
First of all, I’d just ask your partner outright if you need help. He sounds like he behaves a bit like a big kid so maybe, that’s how you should treat him. Don’t accuse him of never helping, just tell him you really need his help. Ask him to do specific, little jobs he can’t refuse. Whatever job he does, no matter how small, say thank you and praise him for it. Thank him in front of the kids and anyone else who is around. It might make you cringe inside, but make him feel like he is doing something valuable and it is appreciated.
Also, are the kids old enough to help you? Even little kids can have jobs and take pride in doing them. Maybe you could have a family conference where everyone, including your man, sits down and goes through a list of the household jobs that need doing. Explain to everyone how little time you have and make them realise that you need to work out something to help you cope. After all, you don't really want your kids growing up with the same attitude as your man.
It’s also important to emphasize that everyone needs to know how to look after the house in case you hurt yourself of have to go away for any reason.
Another tack might be simply to neglect one or two jobs until he starts to notice. Washing and ironing is a good one with men. When they ask why they have no undies etc., just say you are sorry but you have been so busy, you forgot all about the washing. Then, suggest getting someone in to help with the housework. This is bound to raise a protest so it’s a good time to ask (very sweetly) if maybe he could help out by doing the washing from now on.
Another idea is that maybe you could also have a project, say in the garden, that you plan together and your partner could take the major role in achieving the outcome. Lots of praise might work wonders to his feelings about helping out and give him more pride in his home so that he wants to be a bit more responsible for it.
Do you have any family on either yours or his side who might also encourage him to help out. Family support can be awesome – especially if it comes by setting an example.
Both hubbie and I work full time in our own businesses but we also work equally in the house. We agreed on this before we were married though over the years the routine has changed depending on where we were in our lives, e.g. when I was at home with the kids, I did most stuff though he still 'helped'.
Now, generally, I do all the cooking and shopping, plus kitchen and bathroom cleaning, beds, dusting, general tidying, washing, constructive gardening . He does the dishes, vacuuming, ironing, cleans floors and loos, cuts lawns, washes cars, gutters and does 'destructive' gardening. We share incidental jobs like the bins.
It's quite funny really how it worked out because when I was a teen I always imagined I would have a career for a while and then be a housewife and think I would have been quite happy in this role. My Mum was a business woman and I saw how hard it was for her although she got around it by hiring cleaners. Hubbie had totally different ideas however and it's more or less worked out. I think we do appreciate each other's roles in the home and both of us realise, life would be much harder without each other.
Last comment. Try not to bitch about him not helping as this will probably only serve to put up a wall so his pride stops him from helping even if he wanted to. Remember the quote: "You catch more bees with honey than with vinegar".
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