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There are several considerations here, as well as two issues - talking over one another and monopolising conversation.
Looking at the person who talks constantly about themselves, this person may simply be rude and insensitive or they may be innocent offenders, unwittingly doing this to cover up their own insecurity and emptiness. Perhaps they feel lonely and unimportant, that their opinions don't matter. However, while they are talking, they are for a brief time, the centre of attention. I think that many old people fall into this category. Maybe we just need to respond, ask questions, be interested and these people may well start taking more of an interest in us and asking us questions as well.
However it’s not just ‘oldies’ of course. If you have ever attended a meeting, you will know there is usually at least one person who wants to monopolize the discussion and force their views on others. I don’t believe one has to be rude to these monopolisers but merely steer the conversation away from them, maybe by asking someone else in the group what they think about what the monopoliser has said. The same applies in informal social situations.
One-on-one compulsive talkers in the ‘rude and insensitive’ category, probably aren’t even aware of what they are doing in a social situation. They more than likely get a high from being in the spotlight but don’t recognise that this is affecting their relationship with others. How you approach the problem depends on the type of person you are and the closeness of the relationship you have with them. I don’t think there is any one solution. However, there is never a need to humiliate them publically. Never.
Another thing to consider is ethnic background. I know from personal experience that many European people will talk non-stop over the top of one another; this absolutely normal behaviour and not thought of as rude. The conversation jumps, bounces and rolls in a lively and passionate manner tripping from topic to topic, from gravity to mirth. Everyone has their say even though no one person may ever be centre-stage. The children of immigrant families may well carry on this tradition and find accepted conversation styles stilted.
For example, the British (and many Kiwis by default), tend to wait until someone has stopped speaking before adding their contribution. They hold their thoughts until it is their turn to speak. Each person says their lines alternately and they wait for the appropriate second of silence or lowering of tone signifying the speaker has finished. The result is that everyone hears everything. This tends to make what is said more considered and one directional. The shy or uncertain person is less likely to contribute and the conversation tends to be more contrived and self-conscious.
Or, we could look at the problem another way – as us! We are not perfect either. We become bored when we don’t get a chance to join in the conversation. We get bored hearing someone talking constantly about themselves. We think what we have to say is more important than what someone else has to say. We simply don’t understand or care about enough about the compulsive talker and their views but lack the fortitude to break the relationship once and for all.
Here are some pertinent quotes about conversation:
*Silence is one of the great arts of conversation. Marcus Tullius Cicero
*Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness. Margaret Millar
*Two monologues do not make a dialogue. Jeff Daly
*It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much. Yogi Berra
Conversation is an art. I’m not terribly good at it myself but I do enjoy lively conversation. It’s a pity we all can’t have a gift of the gab; I personally envy those who do… and not that I am advocating it, however I do find that if you add alcohol to conversation, whether compulsive talker or reticent listener - often the problem is solved. Everyone starts to talk - over and under one another… and often they have fun doing it. Says something about us, doesn't it!
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