Discussing :: Compulsive talkers, do you know one? How do you deal with it??!?!

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I have a couple of talkaholic friends, like, not just chatty, but can not shut up at all, don't let you talk, talk over you, talk louder, won't get off the phone (if you hung up they'd just call back, and call back, until you picked up). I find it incredibly draining, and I tune out, which makes me feel back, them feel bad (it gets pretty obvious I'm doing it), but I just can't find a good way to deal with them except to avoid them. Which isn't always possible. Any one else have a compulsive talker friend/family member? Any suggestions???

I have a triple threat an extended family members partner, who talks non stop, laughs at his own jokes which he seems to say a lot and especially likes to talk about how great he is, even when you walk away he is still talking I even asked my family member in a cheeky way of course has he seen anyone to cure his ills lol, but he rattles on and it does often rub us the wrong way so we tend to step in and speak while he is speaking which we don't like to do and then from that conversation slowly move of somewhere else, or say in a joking way are you going to let me get a word in edge wise.....lol...some of my family members a more blunt after a while, but I just usually try to steer the conversation to something I want to talk about or flip the whole conversation all together into something random but hilarious

lol thats my mum!!! but luckily she doesnt seem to notice when you blank out haha she keeps talking to you evern when you walk away!!

I used to be fairly tolerant of my over- talking friend but it got worse to the stage she would talk over people involved in a separate conversation. Last time she did it I put my hand to her face and loudly said .'my lips are moving so I'm already talking so shhhhhh' she got kind of embarrassed but I got at least ten minutes of quiet before she started up again...

My compulsive talker is very political as well and you have to suffer through rants on all sorts of topics. He doesn't care if you respond or not though which makes it easier to turn off. Or if you do respond he will more than likely disagree with you. What's worse is that age is beginning to catch up with him and a lot of what he is saying actually doesn't make much sense. The other night after he left the rest of us looked at each other all on our laptops and agreed we had completely ignored him and how rude we had been, but it is very hard to listen to someone talk constantly.

There are several considerations here, as well as two issues - talking over one another and monopolising conversation. Looking at the person who talks constantly about themselves, this person may simply be rude and insensitive or they may be innocent offenders, unwittingly doing this to cover up their own insecurity and emptiness. Perhaps they feel lonely and unimportant, that their opinions don't matter. However, while they are talking, they are for a brief time, the centre of attention. I think that many old people fall into this category. Maybe we just need to respond, ask questions, be interested and these people may well start taking more of an interest in us and asking us questions as well. However it’s not just ‘oldies’ of course. If you have ever attended a meeting, you will know there is usually at least one person who wants to monopolize the discussion and force their views on others. I don’t believe one has to be rude to these monopolisers but merely steer the conversation away from them, maybe by asking someone else in the group what they think about what the monopoliser has said. The same applies in informal social situations. One-on-one compulsive talkers in the ‘rude and insensitive’ category, probably aren’t even aware of what they are doing in a social situation. They more than likely get a high from being in the spotlight but don’t recognise that this is affecting their relationship with others. How you approach the problem depends on the type of person you are and the closeness of the relationship you have with them. I don’t think there is any one solution. However, there is never a need to humiliate them publically. Never. Another thing to consider is ethnic background. I know from personal experience that many European people will talk non-stop over the top of one another; this absolutely normal behaviour and not thought of as rude. The conversation jumps, bounces and rolls in a lively and passionate manner tripping from topic to topic, from gravity to mirth. Everyone has their say even though no one person may ever be centre-stage. The children of immigrant families may well carry on this tradition and find accepted conversation styles stilted. For example, the British (and many Kiwis by default), tend to wait until someone has stopped speaking before adding their contribution. They hold their thoughts until it is their turn to speak. Each person says their lines alternately and they wait for the appropriate second of silence or lowering of tone signifying the speaker has finished. The result is that everyone hears everything. This tends to make what is said more considered and one directional. The shy or uncertain person is less likely to contribute and the conversation tends to be more contrived and self-conscious. Or, we could look at the problem another way – as us! We are not perfect either. We become bored when we don’t get a chance to join in the conversation. We get bored hearing someone talking constantly about themselves. We think what we have to say is more important than what someone else has to say. We simply don’t understand or care about enough about the compulsive talker and their views but lack the fortitude to break the relationship once and for all. Here are some pertinent quotes about conversation: *Silence is one of the great arts of conversation. Marcus Tullius Cicero *Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness. Margaret Millar *Two monologues do not make a dialogue. Jeff Daly *It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much. Yogi Berra Conversation is an art. I’m not terribly good at it myself but I do enjoy lively conversation. It’s a pity we all can’t have a gift of the gab; I personally envy those who do… and not that I am advocating it, however I do find that if you add alcohol to conversation, whether compulsive talker or reticent listener - often the problem is solved. Everyone starts to talk - over and under one another… and often they have fun doing it. Says something about us, doesn't it!

Then there are the compulsive writers :)

Bazinga:)

Here I go again :-) Oh the public humiliation! Woe is me! I am devastated by your deprecation of my extended literary efforts! (Just kidding. LOL!) But really, whether you jest or not, I'm not surprised at the comments from ClaireElizabeth and TJ at all, and I even expected as much. I’m not surprised you saw/read my post and branded me as a “compulsive writer”. It was definitely longer than most. I assume that neither of you meant any offence whatsoever. None was taken. Your response does, however, illustrate one of the points I made above. Good humour or not, from one perspective, they could still be perceived as a subtle put-down of sorts - the written equivalent of the person who tells someone, “Shut up. You talk too much”, in front of their friends. A more sensitive soul may well have felt upset and the comments would have done little to raise their self-confidence and feelings of worth. So how much is “too much” talk or writing? Never too much if we are genuinely interested. It’s our choice to listen or read something or not and who hasn’t listened for hours to their lover or their new baby’s coos which are nothing but utterly boring to anyone else. This point aside, we still can’t be bothered with more than one-liners in much of our lives. We seem to be repelled given anything longer. We want to be able to respond immediately with our two cents’ worth. Some blame this short attention span, limited focus and curiosity on our fast pace of life. Not me. I think that it is a far more personal reason that many find it hard to read a book or even the whole of a magazine article. Maybe we are all just becoming lazy, self-centred bores who simply are not interested in other’s thoughts unless they intimately concern us, or are given in tiny, mouth-watering, tempting, exciting ‘bites’ … so sad 

Yes it was a joke Wice :)