The Transformation Stage

From my previous articles, you already know it: in any relationship, the passion of the initial infatuation stage diminishes sooner or later. Once that happens, you start seeing each other's weaknesses and faults, you start yelling and fighting, just like any other couple; the power struggle has begun.

Couple dansant à contre-jour

Where do you go from here?
If you are truly committed to your relationship and wanting to keep your partner, you must understand that the power struggle stage is nothing more than "healing and growth waiting to happen".

Looking Beyond the Power Struggle Stage
You might be hurt, unsure, or scared to go any further; it’s darker just before dawn. Together with your partner, start by re-defining and refining your loving relationship. Become aware of who you really are and take charge of your responsibilities.

To do this you have to learn about the subconscious healing agenda of attracting your soulmate and do a lot of soul searching. You must recognize your shortcomings, own your past wounds, and tame your ego. Constantly educate, adjust, and improve your attitude and keep going; you’ll be amazed by your results.

In transformation stage you understand that avoiding conflict doesn’t lead to a solution, as it frustrates you, makes you resentful and angry, cuts off the communication.

What to Do?
First, you must stop wasting time on useless distractions (TV, games, shopping, pointless activities) and start spending time with YOURSELF.

Second, begin walking, running, or sitting in quiet meditation; let go of your mind and enter your heart – where you’ll find your answers.

Connect with yourself. Discover your needs, your wants, your passions and your dreams. Write them down. Find out what turns you on!

In the third stage of transformation and growth both of you must learn new skills and practice new attitudes: expressing your dreams and hopes, negotiating your needs, compromising your wants. Bit by bit, your partner becomes your best friend and the feeling of togetherness intensifies.

Beyond the power struggle the war is over, the differences are not erased but acknowledged, the conflicts are dealt with in a constructive way. You share responsibilities, resolve the issues, and compromise as needed - as long as you are in integrity.

No, it’s not always going to be easy... you’ll both have to stretch, grow, compromise, and adjust. You will not be right all the time, but you’ll surely be happier more often.

Meaningful conversations, feeling safe, fun and laughter will be back; intimacy and good sex are soon going to follow. Once that happens, you are on your way to a mature, vibrant and blissful relationship.

They say that love hurts. Love actually heals. Start creating an exciting vision of your relationship with the woman you love; then do everything you can to make it happen.

What you become during this transformation stage of your relationship will greatly enhance all aspects of your life.
Make the difference between a boring and an exciting relationship by learning about the 4 love relationship stages:

Article Author:

Serge Cohn

Serge Cohn coaches evolved men on how to choose a life partner, how to solve relationship problems, and how to keep romance alive. By blending his experience with the wisdom of his mentors, he helps you navigate the world of love, relationships, and self-growth. Download your free e-book from

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  • Wice says
    Relevant here but another article directed to men and more for Frank perhaps?
  • Dee-Dee says
    ...if you want your relationship to work then you have to work on it all the time....interesting article...have to agree with Wice article would have been better in Frank
  • Mellow says
    Interesting. This sounds like recovering from a break up...... or once the honeymoon is over.. The rush of the perfect relationship is not so, as box of roses, Reality sets in .......

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