Don’t let the system get you down

Vanessa Moodley

Vanessa Moodley is a South African born writer, blogger and amateur foodie who began her own adventure when she moved to NZ in 2012 for a (modern-day) fairytale ending to a long distance relationship. She loves good stories, laughing at funny (often morbid) things her imagination conjures up, and meeting people who are making the world a better place by being in it. Check out her blog at

Why people who oppose your interracial/long distance/homosexual/transgender relationship shouldn’t matter:

  1. Healthy, loving relationships contribute towards making our society a better place to live. They deserve to be supported. If you’re both consenting adults, you love one another, you see eye to eye on the important stuff and you’re both committed to making the relationship work, there’s nothing to apologise for. Least of all your skin colour or your circumstance.


  2. For perspective consider the fact that our culture is full of people who are more supportive of hetero-normative couples they don’t even know. People who would probably worship celebrity couples (local or otherwise) – two beautiful people who look like the perfect ‘traditional’ pair but have an unhealthy and even abusive relationship – really shouldn’t have any weigh-in on your choices.


  3. Bigots are selfish people who are disconnected from reality and no amount of evidence that relationships unlike the one their culture/religion/politics advocates can be happy, productive and healthy will convince them that they aren’t actually unnatural, unhealthy or unhappy. They’re even angrier when they have to explain this to their children.


  4. You will notice that the people who most oppose your relationship are also those who would never be in your situation. This is the problem with detractors – they hold the Big Book of Rules for EVERYONE ELSE. They aren’t concerned with issues as a whole, but with saying why their inherent preference is better than yours, for YOUR LIFE, without your solicitation.


  5. All relationships have problems and need commitment and compromise to work. Just because your relationship may have some ‘unusual’ obstacles doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be together. People who discourage you because it’s ‘harder’, ignore the fact that it’s also harder because society makes it that way. Tell them they should rather stop giving in to the status quo and start supporting you.
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