Vulnerability and Soul Evolution

Hannah Gaisford

I am a 24 year old working in Marketing. Passionate about enjoying life and getting the most out of it.  I run a small business giving coaching and spiritual advice.

I have been reflecting on and learning a lot about this human condition recently.  It can be somewhat scary chopping yourself to pieces and analysing your every thought and feeling.  But through delving into this process you can have magical, ethereal moments where you come to understand yourself on a whole other level.  I know many humans are afraid of change.  Having control over people and situations makes us feel like we aren’t going to get hurt or rejected.  It makes us feel that we are worthy and that we are something.  But what I have learnt is that the largest highs in life come out of the deepest lows.  I was personally born with an open heart.  I was full of emotion, kindness and compassion and was always wondering how what I would say or do would have an impact on other people.  Somehow as we grow older and we experience pain and people not treating us how we would like to be treated we learn to protect ourselves.  In doing so, we run the risk of barricading ourselves in and preventing ourselves from experiencing life’s true joys through being vulnerable.  I was watching a fantastic Ted talk earlier by Doctor Bréne Brown about vulnerability.  She speaks about how we numb our emotions so that we don’t have to risk feeling pain, rejection, shame etc but at the same time we end up numbing the possibility to feel love, joy and passion at the same time. 

Emotions are the major thing in life that I believe we should embrace for they are the things that most help us to grow.  We can learn so much about ourselves from sadness and feel pride in ourselves when we pick ourselves back up again.  My major vulnerability of late that I have been working on is love.  I have had this wall up and created an alter ego that doesn’t care about love and being gentle and caring because I convinced myself that by doing that I would be doomed to get hurt.  However I realised that by sending the message out that I didn’t care I wasn’t possibly going to attract the kind of person that would.  Throughout this self journey so far, that I am now fully engaged in, I have realised that there is really something to be said about the task of learning to love yourself and letting go of the stinking thinking.   All of us are guilty at times of thinking we are not worthy.....whether it be for a job promotion,  to befriend someone we admire, to achieve our goals or to fall deeply in love with someone and have them reciprocate.  The most powerful thing, I have found, that we can do is to simply jump head first in and be prepared to experience the lessons and experiences that come our way because the one true beauty of life is that we cannot predict what is going to happen from one day to the next.  No matter how much our ego suggests we should be able to. 

The lesson and conclusion I have come to so far is that gratitude for everyday and any result whether it be a lesson or a gift helps us to broaden our perspective and enjoy life that much more for what it truly is, a possibility and opportunity for soul evolution.  My lesson for now....I am going to be my true self whoever she is for this moment in time.  I wish to stop being a chameleon soul and catering to what I believe people would want or like because the more I act like the person I really am, the more I realise people like me just the same. 

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