Discussing :: Let the Good Times Roll

Handling difference constructively is a great skill for partners to develop. Respecting and enjoying each other when you're not at odds can be even more important. After all, what are you having the relationship for?  You may need to struggle through some hard, hurtful and boring bits. You might learn and grow through doing this, but generally it's the feel-good things that make relationships attractive.It's things like feeling connected, like knowing that you count, that someone finds you special, that you can feel and inspire passion. What ever it is you want in a relationship, it's about adding something positive to your... read full article

#1

Wice
Let the Good Times Roll

“Our relationship is not a rehearsal” - How many times have I thought this and (somewhat unwisely) said this to Hubbie as he sat there sulking after a meaningless tiff.

This article really expresses how I feel about marriage. It’s the little things that add up -– whether positive or negative. I have notes hubbie left for me that are years old. I still cherish them; like the cups of tea he brings me in the morning, or the extremely rare foot massages he used to give me.

But there are two sides to this – one a grossly unfair aspect . The more negatives there are (within reason) the more appreciative one becomes of any positive. Counter this with, the nicer you are all the time, the worse a negative behaviour is regarded.

Just like children who behave all the time, when a good child does one bad thing it’s a shock and they are punished. Then there are those children who constantly misbehave. They do something that is normal for the good kids – everyone makes a fuss and rewards them! I think this pattern is repeated in some adult relationships. One partner is often the ‘giving’ one and the other the “taking’. The giving partner feels guilty over tiny misdemeanours while the ‘taker’ does what they want most of the time , but is loved for the odd good thing they do – no matter how fleeting.

Positive behaviours have to come from both sides to make a happy relationship. One side may make a lot of effort with little or no result and is left feeling they are to blame that everything isn’t working out. If you are in this situation, don’t blame yourself. You can’t be accountable for some one else’s behaviour. Be honest with yourself and be happy that you are doing your best. If your find you are really beating a dead dog, then look at this realistically and decide what your next step will be.

Regardless, I believe that everyone is different and what works for one couple, doesn’t necessarily work for another. However, by constantly showing you care in little ways, it’s like feeding the flame regardless how warm the response may be.

#2

Anna

i always remember those little sweet moments.... like i have a friend whos bf is all obsessive... says nice things every second.. tell her he loves and misses her if she away fo 2 secs... butthose words didnt really mean anything any more... but my partner he says that he hates the typical say love you before going to sleep coz its like in the movies... and every time he says it is has a nice romanticness too it... just like everything else special he says... i remeber each and everyone because they are said with meaning....

#3

flowery3

A good point here, everyone is indeed different. And sometimes we expect our partners to show their love in the SAME way as we show it to them. Sometimes its good to stop and notice the ways they DO show it, rather than noticing the ways they dont. I need to remind myself of that sometimes! And also remind myself to show them I love them in ways they appreciate, rather than just in the ways i want to!


Anna

but you can also learn to love the way they appreciate it... coz when it makes them happy it makes you happy in return!!


flowery3

Too true there Anna! Love and hapiness are geat things, the more you give away to others, the more you get yourself!

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