
Wice |
Let the Good Times Roll
“Our relationship is not a rehearsal” - How many times have I thought this and (somewhat unwisely) said this to Hubbie as he sat there sulking after a meaningless tiff.
This article really expresses how I feel about marriage. It’s the little things that add up -– whether positive or negative. I have notes hubbie left for me that are years old. I still cherish them; like the cups of tea he brings me in the morning, or the extremely rare foot massages he used to give me.
But there are two sides to this – one a grossly unfair aspect . The more negatives there are (within reason) the more appreciative one becomes of any positive. Counter this with, the nicer you are all the time, the worse a negative behaviour is regarded.
Just like children who behave all the time, when a good child does one bad thing it’s a shock and they are punished. Then there are those children who constantly misbehave. They do something that is normal for the good kids – everyone makes a fuss and rewards them! I think this pattern is repeated in some adult relationships. One partner is often the ‘giving’ one and the other the “taking’. The giving partner feels guilty over tiny misdemeanours while the ‘taker’ does what they want most of the time , but is loved for the odd good thing they do – no matter how fleeting.
Positive behaviours have to come from both sides to make a happy relationship. One side may make a lot of effort with little or no result and is left feeling they are to blame that everything isn’t working out. If you are in this situation, don’t blame yourself. You can’t be accountable for some one else’s behaviour. Be honest with yourself and be happy that you are doing your best. If your find you are really beating a dead dog, then look at this realistically and decide what your next step will be.
Regardless, I believe that everyone is different and what works for one couple, doesn’t necessarily work for another. However, by constantly showing you care in little ways, it’s like feeding the flame regardless how warm the response may be.
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