Discussing :: Does your man help around the Home

#1

bigspenda
Does your man help around the Home

Im not the greatest cook but my man can cook and bake damm good meals also hes a neat freak so often does a lot of the housework
In fact he just cant relax untill the houseworks all done. Is your man a help or a hindrance around the house?


Sherri

My man doesn't help much with the "inside" work, but is always working outside, doing the lawns and renovating the property, which is awesome. Sometimes I wish he would help out more with the inside work, I find it a struggle to keep the house super tidy working full time and then coming home to a toddler who makes mess faster than I can clean it.

#2

Dazed and Confused

My man does nothing and it is really hard, we have 3 kids and he does not do any housework or help with the kids, he feels he is a man and has a full time job, I on the other hand work part time which is actually thirty hours a week so pretty much the same as him and have to do everything, I feel exhausted and like I am taken advantage off. He also does not do any repairs around the house, mow lawns or gardens, in fact he just goes to work and sits on his arse and watchs TV or goes out and does his things.


Dreamingofacruise

Oh my god I just read your post and it was like deja-vu. Though I did not work out of the home for the 30 hours like you I still did some house cleaning jobs. We bought a house and he did nothing to it or around the property. He mowed the lawns once in a blue moon. Then moaned because the mower was useless at mowing. I would like to say that he also had a gambling problem and was a compulsive liar. Sometimes not coming home till the next day after being out with his mates playing cards. I am glad I got out when I did after 12 and a half years. Though I was left with 3 children to bring up on my own, it was better than having to put up with someone that was not in the marriage for the right reasons. Get out while you still can. There are options for you to seek. Get support from your local places like Salvation Army etc. Seek advice from your lawyer. If he treats you with no respect go. If it seems there is hope to save the marriage then go get some counselling. You can not go on like this and sooner or later you will say this is enough.

#3

T.J.

I think I would go on strike! But maybe that's just my bitchy side coming out!

#4

Wice

That's not right. It's not a partnership if one person has to look after the other. Do you pool your finances? Regardless, you need to sort this out with your partner now or you could spend the rest of your life feeling resentful.

First of all, I’d just ask your partner outright if you need help. He sounds like he behaves a bit like a big kid so maybe, that’s how you should treat him. Don’t accuse him of never helping, just tell him you really need his help. Ask him to do specific, little jobs he can’t refuse. Whatever job he does, no matter how small, say thank you and praise him for it. Thank him in front of the kids and anyone else who is around. It might make you cringe inside, but make him feel like he is doing something valuable and it is appreciated.

Also, are the kids old enough to help you? Even little kids can have jobs and take pride in doing them. Maybe you could have a family conference where everyone, including your man, sits down and goes through a list of the household jobs that need doing. Explain to everyone how little time you have and make them realise that you need to work out something to help you cope. After all, you don't really want your kids growing up with the same attitude as your man.

It’s also important to emphasize that everyone needs to know how to look after the house in case you hurt yourself of have to go away for any reason.

Another tack might be simply to neglect one or two jobs until he starts to notice. Washing and ironing is a good one with men. When they ask why they have no undies etc., just say you are sorry but you have been so busy, you forgot all about the washing. Then, suggest getting someone in to help with the housework. This is bound to raise a protest so it’s a good time to ask (very sweetly) if maybe he could help out by doing the washing from now on.

Another idea is that maybe you could also have a project, say in the garden, that you plan together and your partner could take the major role in achieving the outcome. Lots of praise might work wonders to his feelings about helping out and give him more pride in his home so that he wants to be a bit more responsible for it.

Do you have any family on either yours or his side who might also encourage him to help out. Family support can be awesome – especially if it comes by setting an example.

Both hubbie and I work full time in our own businesses but we also work equally in the house. We agreed on this before we were married though over the years the routine has changed depending on where we were in our lives, e.g. when I was at home with the kids, I did most stuff though he still 'helped'.

Now, generally, I do all the cooking and shopping, plus kitchen and bathroom cleaning, beds, dusting, general tidying, washing, constructive gardening . He does the dishes, vacuuming, ironing, cleans floors and loos, cuts lawns, washes cars, gutters and does 'destructive' gardening. We share incidental jobs like the bins.

It's quite funny really how it worked out because when I was a teen I always imagined I would have a career for a while and then be a housewife and think I would have been quite happy in this role. My Mum was a business woman and I saw how hard it was for her although she got around it by hiring cleaners. Hubbie had totally different ideas however and it's more or less worked out. I think we do appreciate each other's roles in the home and both of us realise, life would be much harder without each other.

Last comment. Try not to bitch about him not helping as this will probably only serve to put up a wall so his pride stops him from helping even if he wanted to. Remember the quote: "You catch more bees with honey than with vinegar".

#5

Dee-Dee

...I am happy and grateful to say that my man definitely helps out around the house...he does all the manly things like mowing the lawn, rubbish etc etc and even helps to clean up, when we do our clean up....lol...and he can cook and sing to boot....so am pretty lucky to have a good man.....the only time he would play up though is when Rugby and Rugby League season starts but that goes for both of us cause we are big fans of the sport....but we usually watch games in the man cave...so the mess from having sports nights with friends and families are usually situated in that area only....

#6

Anna

mine does... haha i trained him that way =P I got basically told the other day that i was a bad partner because i didnt do his washing... we both work have full time jobs, we are both studying... why should i have to be the one to clean his mess?? we do equal jobs around the house... (until and if we have kids and i maybe stay home as a wifey for a while - then i dont mind cleaning...)

#7

Ebby

my partner does. I simply am not going to pick up after him. we live in a big communal flat with about 6 others, you have too clean up or the place is a total mess.

He's pretty good though. I'll never do his washing for him - why should I!?

These days i rekon it's all about being even - back in the day, prehaps that was our "role". Reclaim that shizz, let him cook dinner :D

#8

punkshimmy

Don't mean to brag but my man does heaps of housework and almost all the cooking (I do the baking haha)
He lived on his own for quite a while before we got married and moved in together so that might've helped him. I've got friends whose partners do nothing! (Mummas boys!)


Anna

lol i wouldnt allow my partner to do the cooking hehe the kitchen is mine =P

#9

Wice

No, I don't let Hubbie in the kitchen either. On those rare occasions when he's had to, the mess and the food have both been quite alarming! Anyway, I love cookig. Wish I could do it all day!

#10

Anna

my partner can cook.. and he always cleans his mess... but its my space haha i only allow him to when im sick or something... or have an exam on... and just dont have the time or energy...

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