Discussing :: Being faithful - yes, no?

#1

Mellow
Being faithful - yes, no?

We all believe in being faithful, but what would you do if your partner wasn't? Forgive once, but not twice? ..... Now, if you were the one, does the same apply?
Infidelity is a touchy topic.

#2

Anna

I think we could go over this until we are blue in the face.. and say many different answers to this question.. but you don't truly know the answer unless it actually happens to you...

#3

Mrs-Meech

I know exactly what it feels like to be cheated on & it's the worst feeling in the world.
Don't get even, get smart & get out.
Once a cheater, chances are they will reoffend

#4

Marley

The relationship is in trouble if someone is cheating!!! It take two to make the relationship work.

#5

mahmmatesrulez

I guess I agree with Anna, I personally dont know what its like, (at leats thats what I think) But I know I would hate it to happen to me so why do it to them. Once they cheat, I dont think I could trust again so would have to most likely get out.

#6

sophie

My x cheated on me and I was nice enough to give him another chance, but never again, because he couldn't keep it in his pants! The relationship was very much over from the first time... :(

#7

Wice

Everyone is different. People break promises to each other every day when it comes to marriage vows. We expect such a lot – total love, respect, loyalty, putting each other first. This is near impossible for mere mortals to maintain, and the proof of this can be seen in the bickering and the shadows of unhappiness that occur in almost all partnerships s from time to time. For the most part, we accept this is part of life.

Why do our partners make us unhappy? Is it just that our expectations that are too high? Unless we can all be the perfect partners we so long for ourselves, why should we expect our partners to be? Perhaps we need to look at things differently.

We don’t own our partners. No two people are identical. We can’t we can’t control what goes on in our partner’s heads nor change their basic personality. The only person to whom we are totally accountable is ourselves. I guess we all wonder why/if a partner would they want us to be sad if they loved us? Maybe they do. Maybe they don’t. Maybe this thought doesn’t cross their mind. Can we assume the same goes for a cheater?

Then again, flipping the question, do we analyse our every action as to how it will affect our partner; and why wouldn’t we want them to do what they need to be happy - if we love them? The promise “for better or for worse” stands for both partners after all.
I wonder if it’s a matter of degree. If a woman is physically battered, most would agree that she should leave the relationship or at a minimum seek help. What about the woman who is emotionally bullied or manipulated by her partner? Is cheating once, twice, constantly – the same, less or more abusive?

In almost all relationships, it’s been said that one partner usually loves more than the other. If you really love someone, you want what is best for them (notwithstanding as well as yourself) so I guess, you always need to look at the reasons for cheating. Few would send their child away if they lied to them, if they stole from them, if they broke their heart. No, would they try to find out why they did these things so that they could prevent the behaviour in the future. So maybe getting to the root of the problem with a cheating husband/wife, could be used as a gateway to understanding and appreciating their strengths and weakness more deeply. Doesn’t the saying go “To know is to understand, is to love.”

It’s also about how we view things. Once we have labelled a behaviour as ‘unacceptable’ we tend to think of at it only with negative words - immature, weak, thoughtless, attention seeking, selfish, offensive, annoying, evil, dangerous…. But like ying and yang, there’ always another side - exciting, challenging, comfortable, easy, honest, validating, impulsive, daring, natural, harmless…. Can this be applied to cheating?

I’ve thought from time to time, would I prefer my husband to have a sexual relationship with another woman, or would I prefer him be faithful physically to me, but love another woman? I imagine not everyone’s thoughts would be the same, but to be perfectly honest, I think I want his mind more than his body. Then again, in a perfect world, I guess if I had his mind, I would understand him and he me - so maybe, the problem would never arise.


Mellow

Bases well covered in your comments......

#8

sophie

Yep and I had a cheater and he lost out on me in the end. I believe in loyalty and or stay single...play the field if you wish, but don't break a person's heart!...:) x

#9

cindy

I had an affair with my ex partner and I would never do it again, I am in a loving relationship and if it ever got to the stage where I was to stray then I would definitely not be doing it behind his back. You have to be faithful, it really does ruin a relationship forever.

#10

melh

my husband had an affair and I forgave him . then he did it again, so I asked him to leave and I think that is the right decision as I have two boys and I don't want them to think that is how you treat women.

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